i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
