Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
