but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
