is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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