she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
