I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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