ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
