I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
