In the future we'll all be gay
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Still dying that you shit outside
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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