Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
