He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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