I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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