so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
