i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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