Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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