i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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