yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
