my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Every concussion has its silver lining
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
