question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
