I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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