I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
