i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
