The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
