the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
