i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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