I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
