the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
