I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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