What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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