I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
