i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
