got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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