My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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