Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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