my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
