In the future we'll all be gay
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
