Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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