You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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