I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
