remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
