it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
