Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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