If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
