I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
