Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
