Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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