First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
