somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
