im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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