M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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